taken by h.koppdelaney on flickr

I’ve been home for over two weeks now and it feels like I never left. I’ve missed my family and friends so much here, along with the familiarity and comfort of being here. There have been many ups and downs in my life and I finally feel like everything is back on track. It is a wonderful feeling.

I had many doubts before about people and my future. I lost faith in the goodness, honesty, and reliability of my own friends. I saw no hope or answers in the future. In turn I gave up on myself and lost sight of what was important. In the end I pushed myself and made ends meet so that I could say I tried my best and had a successful semester. I’ve proven to others and myself of my capabilities. I even got a job at school that I’ll start when I get back. I’ve met so many great people and made many new friends, and I am very grateful for my experience at school this summer. There is a certain bond that is created when you live and are surrounded with people in the summer time. You learn a lot about yourself, and life.

I feel like we’ve all been effected one way or another by loss, pain, and suffering. This summer has been filled with many unexpecteds, especially the unexpectedness of life and death. That kind of loss and suffering usually gets me down for a while. Makes me reconsider a lot, and question things even more. But at this point I’ve come to terms with the life I’ve been given, and the path with which I am on. The one thing I most want to reconcile with is saying and doing what is in my heart when I feel and think it.

I’ve discussed this before, this feeling of holding things back out of fear of judgement or intimidation. I’ve realized how stupid this is. After watching another fabulous episode of Queer As Folk, I have learned from their most flamboyant character, Emmett, that you must always let your inner light shine bright. To stifle it is to stay hidden, reserved, restricted. All this facebook/social networking/media/technology crap has STIFLED our inner flames and made us all so conscious of every word we put out there. That’s why I love twitter, because I can express myself at all times, as much as I want to, simply because everyone else does it just as much. Why would you add me on facebook if you never say anything after I add you back? To stalk me? You think I don’t know that, and that I’m not bothered by it? If I care for you, I will add you. And I will most likely say something. If I’ve recently met you, sure, I might add you and wait a bit until I’ve got something worth saying. But if you are a long lost elementary school friend and decide to add me, or you’re a friend of a friend, why not say a simple hello or how’ve you been? It just seems dumb to me. Just because I’ve added you back doesn’t make us friends. I’ve chosen to “hide” so many people on facebook that my home page barely moves during the day. I just don’t care anymore.

BUT. What I do care about is letting you know how I feel when I feel it. You may call it being forward, blunt, whatever. But I call it honesty, and reality. Where is the compassion in people nowadays? No one picks up the phone just to say HEY anymore. I will jump leaps and bounds for you if I call you my friend, but if the love is not reciprocated..well then you can just forget it.

As I’ve said before..life is too short to not the little things count. Brighten up someone’s day. Give a compliment. Say hello to a long lost friend. Tell someone how much you love them. Mean what you say. Lend a hand to someone in need. If we must continue to socialize and connect through something like facebook, then we must use it in the right way. in the positive kind of way.

I’m not afraid of being myself, of being positive, forward, and honest. And neither should you.

Sweet dreams. Peace&Love.